Really? Who actually thinks they are, or is going to admit to being a nagging wife or girlfriend?
Does anybody realise that they nag?
Well, first of all ,
What is nagging in a relationship?
I personally used to think it was a word made up by men to describe any words or sentence they didn’t like hearing from their partner 🙂
But actually, it has a definition and here are a few:
According to Google ‘nagging in a relationship is characterised by persistently reminding your partner to do something’,
‘persistently annoying or finding fault with someone. ‘
‘to annoy someone with constant demands or complaints.
So we can sum it up as constantly reminding our partners to do something in an annoying and complaining manner rather than just as a simple polite request.
What causes ‘nagging’?
Life is stressful, and especially once kids are in the picture there is a never-ending list of things to do.
If one partner is not pulling their weight it’s very easy for the other to become overworked or feel like they’re being taken for granted.
Sometimes what is being nagged about is not the actual issue. A partner may use nagging as a way of expressing annoyance about something totally unrelated, express unhappiness about the relationship in general or to get attention.
The thing about ‘nagging’ is that it’s almost always non-productive.
Even if you get what you want it’s at a cost to your relationship. If your partner feels belittled and even worthless, this only weakens the bond, friendship and love between you.
Nagging is simply a relationship killer. Unintentional, but it is.
There may be justified underlying feelings of being overworked, feeling unattended to, or being taken for granted. This is quite common.
But by not communicating your needs in the right way, this leads to further breakdown of your relationship. So let’s see how we can stop nagging and maintain a healthy relationship.
Maintaining a Healthy Relationship.
Whether you think you are a nagging partner or not, we are going to discuss how to keep our relationship healthy by being conscious of how we communicate our wants and needs and maintaining a loving bond.
Let’s look at some ways to do this.
1. Always keep in mind curtesy and respect.
Some partners are naturally less domesticated than others. Some are naturally less tidy or organised. We are individuals so we each place different importance on things.
You may feel you are not being supported.
Your partner may also have a number of worries or fears on their mind which they are not discussing.
We are not making excuses here, nor putting blame, we’re just looking at things objectively, without judgement.
So putting our annoyance and negative feelings aside for a minute or two…is it something they are doing intentionally? …probably not.
Many women feel overworked, ignored and taken for granted. Their partner may not be providing them the physical and emotional support and attention they need. (This can also be the other round, of course ).
Partners may be completely oblivious to how their significant other is feeling.
If you’re someone who doesn’t like to talk much about how you’re feeling you may decide to just keep quiet . But the problem with this is that after some time you begin to feel resentful -and that’s certainly not healthy for a relationship.
Your partner will never be able to fulfil that need you want him to because he is ignorant to it -maybe he should know but he doesn’t.
So you and your partner would just grow further apart.
A healthy and happy relationship needs good communication, openness and understanding.
Even if you’re resentful and feel that you’re starting to lose respect for your partner, disrespectful behaviour will only make things worse. There is nothing positive that will come out it.
Behaving in a disrespectful way would only serve to make your partner feel more and more worthless …and probably resentful towards you.
2.Think before you talk(Not easy!) Is the way you are putting your request across to your partner likely to encourage them to help or fulfil your need?
Sure, it can be hard to express ourselves the way we should when we are angry, hurt, exhausted.
But we have to try to think before we speak (yes ,it’s tough at times) and put things across in a helpful manner.
So, try your very hardest to not criticize or attack, just put your request across clearly and politely.
You can explain how overworked and unsupported you feel. This might hit home with him better than complaining, criticising or arguing. Make it clear what it is you need. (unfortunately men can’t read our minds, as much as we’d like them to!)
Also think, before you talk, is this the actual issue or is there some other thing that has been bothering you?- We need to be aware of the underlying issue(s).
We must also pick a good time to talk to our partner about what it is we really want to address.
Pick a time when you’re both more relaxed and you have his full attention.
3.Next thing is to show appreciation for the jobs that your partner does do, no matter how small it seems.
There must be something(s) your partner is doing well. No matter how little, show him appreciation for it. This serves as positive reinforcement and although you may feel why should you give praise for menial things done, it will act as a subconscious drive for him to do more….which is what you want right?
Different men communicate differently, so you need to understand your partner’s communicating style.
So remember to NOT attack, criticise or undermine your partner. If they lose confidence or feel undermined or disrespected they are less likely to be able to fulfil your needs.
Once you have discussed something and cleared it up, do not go back and drag it up again as a new criticism, so as not to destroy the progress and bond you’ve made.
Always keep in mind getting a positive outcome when addressing your partner and continue to build on progress made.